Monday, 30 May 2016

An Interesting Rollerskating Experience...


The other day I went rollerskating with a friend. It wasn't the best experience I've ever had, I have to admit. 

Before my friend and I ventured off to the local park, my friend had asked me whether I could skate or not. Me being me said I can thinking roller skating would be EASY. I have roller skated with friends once before and that went all right aside from the bit when I tripped over a little kid. 


We got to the park and my friend gave me rather big, inline skates. I tried to put my skates on looking like a pro, but I think I failed to do so when I hopped around all over the place and held onto a tree for fear that I would end up flat on my bum. With the skates on, my friend and I headed to the concrete path in the park. My friend went ahead like a true pro on the skates. I, however, struggled to even walk to the path in them let alone actually skate in them. 'Come on!' my friend said to me. I said 'Ok! I'm just getting used to these skates! I'm not used to inline skates!'. I then realized that I couldn't skate as I put one foot on the path and nearly went flying forward. There was no getting out of it now though. I tried my best to skate but I only went falling over on my bum. I retreated back to the safety of the grass as my friend started to skate on. I held on to a bench for dear life. My friend turned round, looked at me and came over to the bench. 'What are you doing?' she asked. Me, making things a whole lot worse for myself said 'I'm just warming up'. 'By holding onto a bench?' she asked in reply. 'Yeah, I like to hold on to something whilst I warm up' I said almost convincingly. 'Ok that's enough warming up now' She said and I did a nervous laugh and said 'Ok' as I let go of the bench. 


My friend went skating ahead on the path and I went onto the path but fell forward as I couldn't work out how on earth to actually skate properly. I tried again. And again. But I fell over onto my knees. My friend was way ahead now, skating round the path without me. 'Oh great' I thought. I then walked on the grass again and sat down. I then tried to skate back to the entrance of the park but I fell over about 10 times, each time landing in the soil and dirt. I also then realized that I had fallen into some poo on the grass and that it was all over my hand and my nice new jeans. My nice new jeans! 'Great!' I thought. 'Just great!' I then saw that there was a little kid just stood next to me, giggling and pointing at me, ridiculing me as I fell over again as I tried to get to the entrance of the park. I was on my knees now, crawling across the muddy grass as the kid laughed at the sight of a teenager who couldn't skate crawling on their knees, covered in mud. I felt a bit humiliated, I have to admit, and I don't like being humiliated. My friend then skated over to me and asked what the hell I was doing. I then said said that I was trying to skate. 


She then said to me 'You can't skate! Why did you say you could when I asked you earlier? You've just wasted my time'. I then replied, as I tried to wipe the poo off my hand with a leaf, 'because I thought I could skate. I thought it would be easy. I'm sorry! It's quite funny isn't it really? Did you see me falling over? That kid over there found it hilarious. It was quite hilarious.' My friend wasn't laughing though. She just looked embarrassed to be with me. I carried on talking. 'It's just these inline skates' I said 'I prefer the 4 wheel ones'. I don't quite know why I said this, probably because I wanted to prove that I wasn't actually a complete fail at skating. My friend then gave me her 4 wheel skates. I put them on and had a go at skating with them. I tried but nearly fell over again. At this point I was just laughing at myself. I then realized I was slowly going backwards down the concrete slope, as cars were trying to come up the slope. 'Oh %$*!' I thought and dived to the safety of the grass. My friend looked at me with a smile, this time trying not to laugh. 'You really are a numpty' she said. 'A numpty who can't skate!' I replied. 'You are really rubbish at skating' she said. 'Ok! ok! I know that now!' feeling a bit degraded but nevertheless still laughing at the whole thing. 


I now realize that I'm certainly no pro at rollerskating and I don't think my friend will want to go rollerskating with me again. 


Blog again soon! ;)
EJ

Friday, 1 April 2016

The Attack of the Seagulls- Why you should never eat a subway meal in a park

Angry Seagull, courtesy of Pixabay

It was a nice, sunny midday and me and my brother had decided to go and walk to subway, get a six inch sub meal and then eat it in the local park for lunch.

It was all going very well indeed. We had got our subway meals without any fuss whatsoever (one time we didn't have the right amount of money and the staff behind the counter was absolutely furious with us) and we had walked out of subway very happy. We found a nice bench in the local park and began to eat our subways which were very tasty indeed (mmm BBQ sauce) as we sat, talked and peacefully watched people walk through the park. 

Then, out of nowhere it seemed, a little, rather cute looking seagull waddled along the grass to stand next to the bench me and my brother just so happened to be sat on enjoying our lunch. My brother noticed the seagull and said 'ah look at him' as the seagull did little walks back and forth. I knew this seagull was only here to get his beak on some of our food so I ignored him. Then, just as I had finished my subway sandwhich and was about to start on the cookie, whilst sipping my drink, a few more seagulls came into view and started hovering menacingly over the bench. My brother hadn't even finished his sandwhich yet (he's a slow eater) and he was just trying to enjoy it whilst a few more seagulls hovered, eyeing up his sandwich like the target of the year. 

Next thing I know, the bench and the area around it had become a war zone. About 10 or more seagulls had surrounded us and every single one of them were chirping madly and still eyed my brother's sandwhich. They flew madly over our heads in a gang, whilst the first little seagull, who I presumed initiated 'operation get the sandwhich' stayed next to the bench, giving us the evils as his hench men tried to nick our lunch. I then found myself shouting to my brother 'quickly eat your sandwhich' over the raging noise of the seagulls. He then shouted 'I'm trying!'. Just then, a seagull had swooped down, just missing my brother's sandwhich. I then shouted with dramatic effect 'RUN!!!!'. We started running as the seagulls crowded in on the bench or flew after us, only to realise that we had left the cookies on the bench  which were inches away from the seagulls' beaks. I then shouted 'GET THE COOKIES!' as my brother, who was nearer the bench tried to quickly save them from the gang of seagulls. He managed to quickly get them and we continued to run up the path shouting our heads off. 

Whilst running, I looked up and saw the seagulls flying after me and my brother. They were violently angry and by the sounds and looks of it, extremely hungry. I then looked behind me, only to see my brother, who was still holding onto his subway sandwhich for dear life, the cookies in his other hand. My brother was surrounded by seagulls now, and they flew inches away from his head. My brother shouted in shock, as he tried to outrun the seagulls. Quite frankly, my brother looked like he would **** himself. I decided to keep running for my life up the tarmac path, leaving my brother behind to almost tackle the seagulls. I shouted back at him 'come on! Quick!' as I realised some of the seagulls were giving up. My brother and I were making quite an exhibition but I kept on running, shouting and at this point laughing hysterically. 

Me and my brother retreated to a grassy area at the side of the park where we realised that we had escaped the wild torments of most of the violent seagulls. A few were still left, hovering behind us in a last chance to take our cookies as my brother had finally finished his sandwhich in the rush to safety, his hands covered in BBQ sauce which had gone everywhere. We then realised that the seagulls could still fly after us and we didn't want to risk going back to the bench, so we continued to walk briskly home, looking back as we did in fear that the seagulls had flown up to us again. 

It was a very hilarious moment and perhaps a very horrifyingly dramatic one too! Never again will me and my brother eat our subway meal on the bench of the local park although my brother did later admit that he had fed the small seagull a bit of his sandwhich (he will never do a stupid thing like that again). Anyway, I must say it was a very exhilarating and funny experience I will probably never forget. 

Writing again soon,
EJ